Guest Stars Nick Swardson as Terry Bernadino Jack Plotnick as Steve Marmella Danny DeVito as District Attorney Ken Marino as Deaf Tattoo Artist Patton Oswalt as Jeff Spoder Joe Lo Truglio as Tattoo Shop Owner #2 David Koechner as Sheriff of Aspen Toby Huss as Glen the Desk Clerk Ian Roberts as Captain Rogers, DHS Mindy Sterling as Spoder's Mom Paul Rudd as Ethan the Drug Lord Paul Reubens as Sir Terrence Oscar Nuñez as Jose Jose Jose Michael Showalter as Paul Michael Ian Black as Ron of Ron's Tattoo Irina Voronina as Russian Model Steve Little as Drug Lord's Second Hostage Alejandra Gutierrez as Miss Acapulco Chris Tallman as Alligator Expert David Wain as Breen the Plumber Brian T. Finney as Decontamination Guy Marisa Petroro as Drug Lord's Girlfriend Kathryn Fiore as Cheyenne the Helicopter Model Kevin Allison as Tattoo Victim Michael Hoback as Barry Baum Michael H. Clark as Bus Driver Tamara Fox Meyerson as Tammy Todd Holoubek as Tattooed Guy Kathryn Smith as Jello Wrestler Shanti Hall as Hot Paramedic Matthew Budds as Clapping Cop Michael Patrick Jann as Tattoo Shop Owner #1 Dave Holmes as Persnickety Desk Worker Cathy Shim as Spring Break Dream Girl Kyle Dunnigan as Drug Lord's First Hostage Brandon Molale as Kevlar Guy Eric Price as Wrestling Referee Lennie Loftin as Chief of Police Floyd Van Buskirk as Proctologist Uncredited Dwayne Johnson as Rick Smith, SWAT